A Piece Of Me Going Forward In A Man's World of Abuse

How come the men that are abusive always try to belittle you and make your self esteem low. I have been called everything in the book from nothing, your crazy, dirty. I have been demeaned and abused for many years. He was the abusers, he was verbally abusive, at times physical, and emotionally abusive altogether. Most woman think that abuse only comes in the form of the physical. Abusive comes in many levels verbally, emotionally, physically, mentally. They all stay with you and affect you tremendously and the hurt to the core and the words are never forgotten. This kind of abuse it's affects can be long term and can play a major part in your daily life to where you can become depressed and not want to be around others, or get out the bed, you may not want to eat, sometimes you can't sleep and it affects your daily routine. I had to take care of myself by first realizing that I could no longer tolerate his anger and aggression towards me because of his past experiences and the things that may have affected me that he gave to me to bear, second I had to realize how things was affecting my life and get some help from a therapists and get myself back to being a healthy person and woman again. These steps are never easy it is a process. I have dealt with this behavior from him for 10 years and in the 10 year I finally realized that the 10th year was enough. It was a new year, a new me and a new revelation. I realized that I loved me more, i love my children even more and that life is short and I needed to get myself and my mind, body and soul together and get back to healthy living and realizing that I deserve better than what I was getting and stop making excuses for the abuser. Woman can get out they have to realize that they are worth it and life is worth it and yes it's scary, but anything thing that is worth it is worth fighting for. Stay strong ladies. A piece of my life By Euridice

Being A Mom At 18 and Being A Grown Woman

This is when life began I had to be a grown up. Taking care of my son and trying to figure this motherhood thing out and with the help of my mother I guess it was easy because I was still living in her home under her roof so guess what I had to follow her rules. Mom was great with caring for the baby, changing his clothes, taking him out to the park and getting up at night when I felt that I couldn't. At the time I was still in school trying to finish to get my High School diploma so this means that I would meet people such as boys and get to know them. I became someone who got with a boy and I would sleep with them whether it was dating them, or they became my boyfriend at the time. I can remember this guy he lived in the East New York section of Brooklyn he was handsome. I meet him at a house party and we instantly clicked and things heated up and I became his girlfriend going back and fourth to East New York and when me and mom would get into it I had a place to go because he lived in a Brownstone in East New York with his sister so I had the freedom to go and stay the nights have sex with him and come back home after things got better with me and mom and it was good because she was caring for the baby. I learned quickly that life wasn't easy and living with mom was hard because now I believed I was grown I had a baby I was having sex and I had a man who I could go stay with in his home. But I really learned that being with a man and a hustler and someone who was a little older and more advanced came with a price. He was in love with me he was controlling, he was aggressive and he had my heart so whatever he told me to do I did. I just remember us coming from a party or his house and we were in a cab and I did or sad something he didn't like and he smacked the shit out of me in the cab and that is were I witnessed abuse of a boyfriend for the first time in my life. The story of my life continues...........

Men and The Beginning

As a small girl you are taught to carry yourself well walk straight, hold your head up, wear a bra, be respectful, we have too learn how too cook and clean and all this is too prepare you for womanhood. Your mother is supposed to be your strength, your role model and she is too prepare you to be a woman and how too deal with the realities and the challenges and men you have too encounter to so called find your prince charming. But in all reality it never happens the way that it seems. As I was growing up I had my mother and father in the home but things were seen such as my father somewhere in the marriage to my mother he wasn't getting what he needed from her so he strayed and this in turn caused my mother and father to separate. During the marriage I as a child had taken visits with my father to see the woman that had taken my father heart. I witnessed hurt and pain from my mother and from the the other woman. It appeared to me that men can have double lives and the main woman would not know about it and not even know that there may be a child involved until years later. Things things as a child you are not prepared for but are faced to deal with and then as you grow up you believe that all these things are acceptable by men that you now may come across in your lifetime. I had my first real boyfriend in Junior High School I was 13 years old and he was my first. I was with him for 5 years and I believed that he was the one because he made me feel like I was until he shared a locker with a girl in his High School and that is when my pain began officially with the men in my life. My view and outlook on men began, I now was dumped by him and I began to become a fast girl. I started to sleep with other people, boys I knew in the neighborhood and gave myself so freely to people that didn't deserve me. I then met my oldest son father and we had sex unprotected and I found out that I was pregnant for the first time and then real life started. I was 17 and pregnant. I was 17 and pregnant by a man who was now in jail and I had to figure it all out on my own. It was scary but I mad the decision to have this baby because It was my first time getting pregnant, second I thought i was in love, and third I was dumb. My life with men now begins. The year 1991 he was born, my first born son. The journey now begins. This blog will be my way of making myself better as a woman who has endured more pain and grief than most know. I will post daily on my journey through life. Stay with me.