Men and The Beginning

As a small girl you are taught to carry yourself well walk straight, hold your head up, wear a bra, be respectful, we have too learn how too cook and clean and all this is too prepare you for womanhood. Your mother is supposed to be your strength, your role model and she is too prepare you to be a woman and how too deal with the realities and the challenges and men you have too encounter to so called find your prince charming. But in all reality it never happens the way that it seems. As I was growing up I had my mother and father in the home but things were seen such as my father somewhere in the marriage to my mother he wasn't getting what he needed from her so he strayed and this in turn caused my mother and father to separate. During the marriage I as a child had taken visits with my father to see the woman that had taken my father heart. I witnessed hurt and pain from my mother and from the the other woman. It appeared to me that men can have double lives and the main woman would not know about it and not even know that there may be a child involved until years later. Things things as a child you are not prepared for but are faced to deal with and then as you grow up you believe that all these things are acceptable by men that you now may come across in your lifetime. I had my first real boyfriend in Junior High School I was 13 years old and he was my first. I was with him for 5 years and I believed that he was the one because he made me feel like I was until he shared a locker with a girl in his High School and that is when my pain began officially with the men in my life. My view and outlook on men began, I now was dumped by him and I began to become a fast girl. I started to sleep with other people, boys I knew in the neighborhood and gave myself so freely to people that didn't deserve me. I then met my oldest son father and we had sex unprotected and I found out that I was pregnant for the first time and then real life started. I was 17 and pregnant. I was 17 and pregnant by a man who was now in jail and I had to figure it all out on my own. It was scary but I mad the decision to have this baby because It was my first time getting pregnant, second I thought i was in love, and third I was dumb. My life with men now begins. The year 1991 he was born, my first born son. The journey now begins. This blog will be my way of making myself better as a woman who has endured more pain and grief than most know. I will post daily on my journey through life. Stay with me.